Frustration

[homoneurotic]

 I've been away from fanfiction and fandom at large because of my graduate program. Worse things to keep me occupied, of course. But there's this obnoxious teenage girl in my heart kicking and screaming that I haven't had the time to mindlessly scroll through manga archives and pine for work about the rarepair flavor-of-the-month. She wants to sit in a fluffy pink bathrobe, eat nothing but cosmic brownies and Kraft, and write pornography. Maybe Freud was right about the whole Ego shabang. 

This, of course, makes me wonder about self-care. I'm in a field that emphasizes it, and yet our working conditions are consistently poised against engaging in it. Is fandom an act of self care? It feels more akin to a black pit I occassionally fall into. Is it self care if you're not mindfully engaging with it? Or is it just escapism at that point?

...I don't even know if I'm making sense. I need to lay down.