queerly coded

On Character Headcanons

2023-09-11T19:39:14Z

Generally, I consider myself too old to care about fandom idiocy. But for whatever reason, this post I came across on my Tumblr dashboard this morning really stuck in my craw. To the point where I'm breaking nearly a year's hiatus writing on this journal page to talk about it, apparently.

It was a post that was recommended to me by Tumblr since it concerned two characters I post a good bit about. (I really wish there was a way to disable that feature entirely.) The user was complaining about the characterization of these characters - say that ten times fast! Which would normally be old hat. You either lament alongside the user or roll your eyes, and move along. But what really got me was this: the user claimed that anyone who didn't characterize these characters in a specific way wasn't "a real fan" of them, shouldn't make content of them, and was in fact ableist for characterizing them a certain way. Now, I'm a grown ass woman. I'm not sitting here clutching my pearls because some sixteen year old says they're revoking my fan privileges. It just made me think - is this what we've come to as a community?

What I haven't mentioned yet is that these characters are from Pokemon - specifically, they are from Pokemon Black/White. If you're involved in Pokemon fandom, you might already have an inkling of who they are - Emmet and Ingo, the Subway Bosses in Nimbasa City. While relatively obscured in Western fandom during the game's popularity (whole other story in Japan, but that's a story for another time), Ingo's re-introduction as a semi-important character in Pokemon Legends Arceus revitalized these two in the public's eye. As Pokemon storylines are historically great at doing, Ingo's role in PLA hints at a great deal of tragedy in his past underlining his stay in the region without actually fully exploring it. In step the fans, then, and we're suddenly hit with a tidal wave of imaginative submas ("Subway Masters") content to fill in the gaps. If Ingo is in PLA, he is clearly missing from Black/White's universe. Fans ask - how is Emmet handling the loss of his twin brother, his literal counterpart? Is it losing his mind with grief? Is he determined to find him no matter the cost? Has he given up hope? Is he keeping up appearances at work and breaking down when he's alone? Is he keeping up hope against all odds? These are all really fascinating questions that have powered many a fanfiction.

But the post I'm complaining about doesn't like this. It doesn't like this at all. It describes Emmet and Ingo as happy-go-lucky people who would never "go crazy" the way that fans are depicting them. That they're positive people first and foremost.

Here's what I like about Pokemon fandom, specifically, the games: we know fuck all about 90% of the characters. The most we get is a brief backstory ("This gym leader runs a bakery!" "This rival bases a lot of their self-worth on whether or not they can beat you!"). Writers and artists of the fandom get the privilege of filling in the rest. And a lot of these "fill ins", if they become popular enough, become accepted as near-canon within the community.

What we "know" about Emmet and Ingo come from fairly limited sources. In their original game, they don't do anything except talk to you before and after battling them (or in 2, where you can find them on a bench outside and talk to them). They give you a few lines of dialogue, and that's it. The only characterization we get from that is two things: one, they have a very (or should I say verrrry?) distinctive style of speech, and that they love battling pokemon, the latter of which is a trait shared by, like, 95% of the cast. We can infer that they know a lot about trains, given that they're the bosses of the system. We can infer that they're close thanks to the small bit of dialogue we get when you battle them together, and the fact that their designs and names very intentionally mirror one another. When we meet Ingo again in PLA, he says that he remembers "a man in white", clearly referring to Emmet, and shares some dialogue with us regarding his memories of the man. But even though he serves a more direct role in this game than Black/White, Ingo still isn't exactly a major character, and this dialogue is limited. Leaving us, again, to fill in the pieces.

So what exactly is this person complaining about? There is incredibly limited information on Ingo and Emmet's personalities even in the game that they debut in. And even if we were going to base everything off of that initial appearance, surely, their personalities could be subject to change given the severity of their situation (i.e., Ingo losing all of his memories and disappearing from Nimbasa, with Emmet most likely not knowing where he is or what's happened). But you're not a true fan for...let me see here...complicating what scraps we have of their personality in your fanfiction? You know, the entire point of writing it to begin with? Isn't it more of a disservice to Emmet to make him remain "happy-go-lucky" in your work when his brother is missing?

Then there's the claims of ableism. It's been long held in fanon that Ingo and Emmet are autistic due to their distinct speech patterns and facial expressions (with Ingo always frowning, and Emmet always smiling). There's nothing wrong with this headcanon, and I'm glad a lot of folks can see themselves in these characters through it. But the poster claims that writing Emmet as being "unhinged" or "crazy" in your work is ableist because of the way he's "coded". Thing is, though, Emmet isn't coded as anything. That's fanon. These are traits that autistic people can have, yes. But that doesn't mean that these characters have to be interpreted as autistic. I'm not saying that there haven't been people who have written offensive works with an autistic Emmet. But this assumption that every depiction of this character is inherently autistic, and therefore writing them a certain way makes you a bad person - I mean, what is that? Have we really lost touch with the concept of fanon/canon? I get that there's so little material to go off of that once a certain headcanon is accepted in the fandom (Emmet and Ingo are obsessed with trains. Emmet has a sweet tooth and Ingo likes bitter things. Emmer and Ingo are best friends with Nimbasa's gym leader, Elesa. So on, so forth), it feels like it's fact. But at the end of the day, it's just an interpretation of the character. Honestly, if you're married to the autistic Emmet headcanon, I'm a little worried that taking a stance that Emmet can't do bad things in his search for Ingo, or that he can't take certain actions that make autistic people look bad, is infantilizing in of itself.

Anyway, there's not much more to say on my end. I just wish we allowed for a wider breadth of fan characterization without immediately assuming ill-intent if someone's vision doesn't match up with our own.

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Frustration

2022-09-26T22:09:33Z

I've been away from fanfiction and fandom at large because of my graduate program. Worse things to keep me occupied, of course. But there's this obnoxious teenage girl in my heart kicking and screaming that I haven't had the time to mindlessly scroll through manga archives and pine for work about the rarepair flavor-of-the-month. She wants to sit in a fluffy pink bathrobe, eat nothing but cosmic brownies and Kraft, and write pornography. Maybe Freud was right about the whole Ego shabang.

This, of course, makes me wonder about self-care. I'm in a field that emphasizes it, and yet our working conditions are consistently poised against engaging in it. Is fandom an act of self care? It feels more akin to a black pit I occassionally fall into. Is it self care if you're not mindfully engaging with it? Or is it just escapism at that point?

...I don't even know if I'm making sense. I need to lay down.

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June Readings

2022-07-14T19:30:02Z

A bit late, but here's some of the articles I read over the month of June, as well as some of my favorite quotes from each.

Art

Inside Istanbul's Underground Queer Scene - I-D, June 10th, 2022
- “While expecting to be understood and accepted, we shouldn’t forget to try to understand and accept others as well. Be tolerant, receptive and questioning . . . being productive and expressive . . . is the thing that will heal us.”
- “I wish patience and fortitude to future generations in their struggle to hold on to their own truths when they are seduced by unoriginal thoughts.”
Heidi Gustafson Recounts How She Established an Archive of Hundreds of Samples of Humanity’s Oldest Art Material - Colossal, June 7, 2022
- “When you get into the nature of color . . . you start to realize color symbolism has a lot of direct, solid foundations in geomorphology. Red that feels “intense or energizing” is often made of 500 million-year-old ancient volcano spew. Yellow that is “sunny” might be ochre made by spring sunlight interacting with microbes to create fresh iron hydroxide. Blue that feels “mournful or spiritual” could be made from vivianite (iron phosphate) forming in dead bodies. There’s a mythic geology to every single natural pigment that tells deep time and place stories, as well as conveys artistic and scientific knowledge. Color is always ecological, and for humans, also carries cultural heritage and insight. I love imagining and feeling how a rock could be exposed to heat, freeze, water, storms, mythic drama, earthquakes, drought, stampedes, violence, human hubris. In that way, color is a language of the gods…. usually weather gods!”

Culture

The Changing Nature of Lubunca, Turkey's LGBTQ Slang - Atlas Obscura, Sept. 15, 2017
The Human Toll of Fallout 76’s Disastrous Launch - Kotaku, June 8, 2022

Politics

What an Archive of Testimonals Tells Us About Abortion Before Roe - LitHub, June 3, 2022
- “In Japan, abortion was decriminalized after World War II—not out of a feminist sensibility, but to improve the “racial quality” of the nation. Tellingly, the bill that decriminalized abortion also included a clause enabling sterilization, both consensual and forced . . . this is an archive of agency, but it also reveals how US women’s ability to have abortions outside United States borders was based on curtailments of reproductive freedoms, elsewhere.”

History

19th-Century ‘Lover’s Eye’ Jewelry Was the Perfect Accessory for Secret Affairs - Atlas Obscura, Sept. 15, 2017

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[Stardew Valley] The Chicken Expert's Delayed Suicide

2022-07-10T23:41:39Z

Title: The Chicken Expert's Delayed Suicide
Fandom: Stardew Valley
Characters/pairing: Shane/Elliot/Leah, or Platonic
Type/word-count: Angst and Humor; 1,395 words
Rating/warnings: Rated Teen for suicidal intent.
Description: All Shane wants to do is to roll over a few inches off the cliff side and get it over with. Unfortunately, some voices from his recent history just won't give him the satisfaction.

I've been replaying Stardew Valley recently, and Shane's suicide attempt scene hit me harder than I remember. It's much longer than the other heart events, and even has multiple "parts" to it. I guess I never expected to read the words "stomach pumping" in a farming game. This is a short one-shot dedicated to this scene, set in a world where either a) the farmer does not exist or b) has not arrived to the Valley yet. I doubt our heart event with him is the first time he's attempted suicide - I wanted to answer the question of what's stopped him previously.

"The Chicken Expert's Delayed Suicide" on AO3.

( Read more... )

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GenPrompt Bingo, Round #22

2022-06-18T19:29:13Z

Relative values: Families	Foreign Lands	Sepia	Steampunk AU	A Test of Worthiness
That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind	Landscape/Panorama	Snow and Ice	Dystopias	Action and Reaction
Potential Energy	Pain	Wild Card	Sodium	Telepathy
Outsider POV	Genderswap	Zombies	A Strange Friend	The Mind's Eye
Dancing and Singing	Late at Night	Sports	The way we were: Pre-canon	Hard and Soft

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100 Fandoms Challenge Table

2022-06-18T19:12:02Z

100fandoms

001.	Bluey: universe	002.	edge	003.	Pokemon Scarlet and Violet: cleave	004.	distance	005.	away
006.	Style Savvy - Styling Star: home	007.	key	008.	Style Savvy: star	009.	dust	010.	shadows
011.	Animal Crossing: old	012.	new	013.	borrowed	014.	blue	015.	promise
016.	dishonour	017.	Roundguard: wreck	018.	Robots (2005): fix	019.	crack	020.	Webkinz: discover
021.	Mickey, Donald, and Goofy in "The Three Musketeers": fiddle	022.	Pong: fire	023.	water	024.	waves	025.	Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: salt
026.	balm	027.	fear	028.	wear	029.	mask	030.	truth
031.	courage	032.	hope	033.	BLOODMONEY!: raised	034.	fall	035.	spring
036.	Goncharov (1973): birth	037.	morning	038.	welcome	039.	belong	040.	The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't A Guy At All: share
041.	count	042.	mean	043.	The Coffin of Andy and Leyley: teasing	044.	Steven Universe: fantasy	045.	Bookworm Adventures: game
046.	Pizza Thot: work	047.	bed	048.	turn	049.	swing	050.	kitchen
051.	Virtual Villagers: cull	052.	quell	053.	arrested	054.	inside	055.	chance
056.	alive	057.	sleeping	058.	late	059.	rain	060.	bottle
061.	steal	062.	brilliant	063.	Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: theory	064.	practice	065.	war
066.	storm	067.	voyage	068.	swim	069.	wallow	070.	settle
071.	ground	072.	space	073.	silence	074.	screech	075.	snap
076.	scratch	077.	Serre: bug	078.	lighting	079.	faded	080.	ghost
081.	Blades of Furry: history	082.	time	083.	The Super Mario Brothers Movie (2023): mirror	084.	drawing	085.	trailed
086.	way	087.	run	088.	here	089.	heart	090.	perfection
091.	Sort the Court!: right	092.	sanction	093.	can	094.	Nintendogs/Wobbledogs: collection	095.	crowd
096.	oversight	097.	graduate	098.	Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky: laughing	099.	unless	100.	final

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100 Ships Challenge Table

2022-06-18T19:09:52Z

100ships

#01 – Adamant	#02 – Snow	#03 – Lion	#04 – Spark	#05 – Amber
#06 – Lust	#07 – Bronze	#08 – Mint	#09 – Arctic	#10 – Black
#11 – Moonlight	#12 – Sunlight	#13 – Blue	#14 – Navy	#15 – Tea Style Savvy, Rosie Mayfield/Camilla Scarlet
#16 – Neon	#17 – Twilight	#18 – Blush	#19 – Wine	#20 – Nude
#21 – Rhythm	#22 – Brown	#23 – Linen	#24 – Ember	#25 – Thistle
#26 – Cherry	#27 – Orange	#28 – Vanilla	#29 – Bone	#30 – Harlequin
#31 – Cadet	#32 – Chocolate	#33 – Peach	#34 – Lead	#35 – Cream
#36 – Sand	#37 – White	#38 – Crimson	#39 – Pink	#40 – Ocean
#41 – Dove	#42 – Platinum	#43 – Yellow	#44 – Earth	#45 – Midnight
#46 – Pearl	#47 – Frostbite	#48 – Pumpkin	#49 – Electric	#50 – Purple
#51 – Coral	#52 – Salt	#53 – Crow	#54 – Rainbow	#55 – Cloud
#56 – Flame	#57 – Red	#58 – Ash	#59 – Rose	#60 – Slate
#61 – Green	#62 – Ruby	#63 – Olive	#64 – Lipstick	#65 – Spice
#66 – Grey	#67 – Denim	#68 – Rust	#69 – Flirt	#70 – Sunset
#71 – Sable	#72 – Desert	#73 – Jade	#74 – Sage	#75 – Buff
#76 – Jet	#77 – Plum	#78 – Leather	#79 – Liberty	#80 – Metal
#81 – Sepia	#82 – Lavender	#83 – Scarlet	#84 – Crystal	#85 – Chestnut
#86 – Shadow	#87– Lemon Bluey, Judo/Bluey	#88 – Mystic	#89 – Silver	#90 – Coffee
#91 – Seafoam	#92 – Lime	#93 – Punch	#94 – Pickle	#95 – Champagne
#96 – Copper	#97 – Bittersweet	#98 – Honey	#99 – Candy	#100 – Gold

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brain fog

2022-05-08T17:24:38Z

I've been a touch too depressed to do much of anything other than write fanfiction and browse the internet lately. I haven't changed my medication schedule, though I did return to taking my as-needed dexmeth to see if that would help any, and frankly, it's just making me type way faster. Small win? I did manage to get out yesterday and go to a festival a seventeen minute walk from my house, which was rather fun. Ended up meeting some friends there, buying some excellent jewelry and t-shirts, and had frozen cheesecake on a stick. Of course, there was a ten-minute period where I lost my phone and almost bawled in the middle of it all, but I eventually found it at a booth I had purchase one of those shirts from.

I'm taking whatever I can get, y'know? I moved a little bit, saw some friends. It doesn't negate the fact that I've been sitting on my ass doing nothing, but it's gotta be something.

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A Masterlist of My Challenge Tables

2022-05-04T21:29:06Z

One of my favorite things about the Dreamwidth community is the wealth of challenges, tables, and monthly events available for content creators to participate in. How could I possibly be expected to stop myself from engaging in every single one that comes my way? Well, by not being able to keep track of all of 'em, that's how. And that's why this post exists!

Table-Fill Challenges

100ships

"A multifandom challenge. . .where the aim is to create 100 different fanworks featuring 100 different relationships."
My Table

100fandoms

"This is a multifandom challenge community, where the idea is to get people to write stories in one hundred different fandoms. To inspire and frustrate you, you also get one hundred prompts to fill at the same time."
My Table

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fandom midlife crisis

2022-05-04T21:16:53Z

For the past few days, I've been undergoing what I'll affectionately refer to as my "fandom midlife crisis". I've been churning out fanwork at a pace I haven't even attempted since 2016.

I've always been worried about feeling "included" in fandom culture. In all honesty, that fear hasn't been negated. It's a little embarrassing to sign up for these prompt challenges and bingo boards, only to have to request a "fandom: pokemon" tag be added. It feels a little bit like party crashing. I could care less for Marvel and Harry Potter, but I'll talk your ear off about my favorite Gym Leaders if you let me. But I think my drive to create content for characters I adore sparked something in me. My girlfriend joked that I'm going through my "autistic train phase" late (she is autistic, I am neurodivergent), which made me laugh. But it's true. Ever since getting diagnosed with ADHD, I've been kind of reckoning with the fact that I have a developmental disability. That's a huge deal! I now understand why I've always felt a little off kilter from others, or why my brain runs in such different tracks. I think something about that translated to the way I approach fandom.

Me and my girlfriend were reminiscing on how we both used fandom to cope in our teenage years, especially since they're going through a similar "crisis" at the moment with the Spiderman series. We agreed that it was sort of a "I have nothing else to look forward to in my life" sort of deal. But now that we have each other, and somewhat of a stable life, we not only have the time to engage in our passions, but a new appreciation of them.

Anyway, most of our conversations lately have devolved into us trading factoids about our respective franchises. Being neurodivergent is pretty sick.

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it burns

2022-05-01T16:53:41Z

(TW: skin injury)

The itching phase of the tattoo has commenced. Nothing some unscented soap, lotion, and a good ol' slap haven't been able to handle, though. The tomboy in me that never quite grew up is begging to rip open the scabs. But then I just remind her just how much money came out of my account to get this thing, and she doesn't have much to say after that.

I managed to get outside the other day as a small reward for finishing my graduate work. I wandered around the city without much of a destination in mind, sticking mainly to residential streets. Lots of interesting trash on the curb, including this green stool that would be perfect for my partner to rest their razors on when we shave our heads outside. Couldn't tell if it was actually on the curb as trash or one of those distressed garden decor things, though, so I let it be. Maybe I'll swing by that street again later, and take another look.

Let it be known that, despite unpopular opinion, trash is one of my favorite things about living in the city. There's just something so alive about walking by bodegas and barber shops with old CRTs on the curb, trashed up recliners, particle-wood bookshelves, discarded lotto tickets. Maybe I'm part raccoon.

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ride home

2022-04-30T00:59:33Z

Today, as I was driving home from work, the world suddenly came alive again. I noticed how many of the trees in my neighborhood were blooming pink. The cinema across the street from my house had turned on its marquee sign to announce its re-opening after nearly two years of COVID rendered it defunct. I was struck by the thought of me strolling down the city street with my headphones, a backpack of books, and a blanket. I could catch a movie in the morning and walk to the park in the afternoon. Things felt real, and doable, for the first time in...I don't know how long. It was some sort of unabashed joy at being alive.

I then immediately hit a curb, but hey, everything in strides.

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in the skin

2022-04-24T23:31:17Z

There is a deeply pure, unadulterated joy in my chest today. Looking at my new tattoo, I know I've made the right decision in getting it. I keep staring at my leg, imagining dotting the rest of it with other pieces. I think of myself with an entire leg of tattoos, and feel giddy. It feels like my body was handed to me as a blank canvas, and I finally get to make something of it. A sentiment which I'm sure will not go over easily with my parents. I insisted that today would not be dedicated to thinking about their reaction. I already wasted enough of my joy fretting over it. But now that I've settled into contentment with my piece, I can't help but try drafting up a piece to address them. I'm not sure how to deliver the news. In person? I rarely see them to begin with, save for holidays, but with my birthday fast approaching there will be a time shortly. I've also considered sending them a letter, but that might prove to be a means of ripping off the bandage inch by inch.

In the interest of gauging tactics used by others, I've been googling "how to tell my parents I've gotten a tattoo". Most of the results fall into one of two categories - people under eighteen still living with their parents, and people who only plan on getting a single tattoo. I am neither of these things. I want to be heavily tattooed. I am an autonomous adult. I vaguely rely on my parents for financial support - they pick up my car insurance and phone bills, which is incredibly kind - but I'm not sure if that gives them enough stock to say what I can and can't have on my own body. Actually, scratch that. It absolutely doesn't.

I want to evoke care and respect for them while still maintaining that I will make my own decisions about my body. That their concerns come from a place of love, but it will ultimately be me suffering the consequences should any come, not them. That telling them to begin with is a sign of trust. That people already think less of me from seeing my dykey hair and clothes, not to mention the whole-ass butch girlfriend I'm holding hands with in public - the tattoos pale in comparison to that kind of judgement.

Much to think about.

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the beginning of something new

2022-04-24T01:37:55Z

I've got quite a few things on my mind today, not least of which is the fact that I just signed up for this site. I couldn't believe that something that looked and felt so strongly like LiveJournal existed outside of...well, LiveJournal. It's been years since I visited there, and even longer since I've really committed myself to writing anything, fanfiction or otherwise. I figured I'd take the opportunity to change that. I've been bouncing around a few various ideas for lesbian erotica, but it's so hard to not beat everything I write into bloody submission. Takes the joy out of things to be hypercritical, you know?

I'm also planning for a tattoo tomorrow. A Snorlax on my left leg. Half of me is incredibly excited - I haven't gotten a "real" tattoo before (not counting my big dipper that was designed to look like freckles on my forearm; that took, like, twenty minutes), and I love the design. On the other, despite being a whole ass adult woman, I'm shitting myself about what my parents are going to say. You should have seen the fallout from my first tattoo. Seriously. Six little brown dots, and my mom absolutely flipped. Said I should consider it "six individual times [I] let down [my] father". Dad just said he was fine with it because he "also did things to piss off [his] parents", and it would be my "last one". God forbid I mark my own body without consulting the outside parties responsible for it, or even considering them as part of the equation.

...see how I've already written so much about the bad part, and barely a sentence about the good?

I'm waiting on my girlfriend to get out from work. With my graduate semester wrapping up, I've barely spent any time with them. Getting to visit tattoo shops today with them - they ended up walking out with Pearl from Steven Universe on their forearm, and it looks great - was really reconnecting. And a lot of folks took pictures of my backpack, a giant Pikachu with a choker-collar. That's the nice thing about living in a city, I suppose. The freedom to dress like that; not that you couldn't anyway, but I feel as if the atmosphere gives you more leeway, you know? Had some men yell at me from their car, but it's my policy to never respond to car-callers, even with a middle finger, so it went without incident.

What will tomorrow bring?

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queerly coded

On Character Headcanons

Frustration

June Readings

Heidi Gustafson Recounts How She Established an Archive of Hundreds of Samples of Humanity’s Oldest Art Material - Colossal, June 7, 2022

[Stardew Valley] The Chicken Expert's Delayed Suicide

GenPrompt Bingo, Round #22

100 Fandoms Challenge Table

100 Ships Challenge Table

brain fog

A Masterlist of My Challenge Tables

fandom midlife crisis

it burns

ride home

in the skin

the beginning of something new